Having such a hard time sleeping :/
My mom’s friend adopted this lovely dog after he was abandoned by his previous family. His name is Shaun. Shaun had always been very good at eating all his food. Every last bit that was, he ate it. One day he started leaving a little bit behind. He wouldn’t eat everything, no matter what. He always left a little behind. Every morning when my mom’s friend checked Shaun’s bowl, the food was gone. That was very strange, because Shaun always spent the night by her side.
One night she decided to investigate the food situation. She waited quietly by the food bowl and then, in the middle of the night, a cat came through the window and ate the remaining food. She noticed the cat was actually pregnant. A week or so later the cat came into her house and gave birth to 6 little kittens. Shaun took care of them as if they were his own babies. My mom’s friend adopted the cat too (her name is Meow) and they took care of the kittens until they all found a loving home. Nowadays Meow and Shaun live happily together as a family and they each have their little bowl of food.
I’ve been drinking..
And maybe that’s what love is all about. Not about finding someone who is perfect and never does you wrong, but finding someone that can put you through both heaven and hell on earth and still you want nothing more than to be with them. Maybe you have to see someone at their absolute lowest point in their life, and still love them, even when they’re not that lovable at the time. Because you have to know every single part of them in order to know it’s really them as a whole, not just bits and pieces of them, that you love.
I learned not to trust people; I learned not to believe what they say but to watch what they do; I learned to suspect that anyone and everyone is capable of ‘living a lie’. I came to believe that other people - even when you think you know them well - are ultimately unknowable.
Door closed. Imagination open. Hands busy. My idea of a perfect night in, she said.
When I vent on here, it’s different from actually talking to someone. I want to be able to talk to them and vent and complain to them and have a response or reply back. But I always feel like I’m annoying them or something so I don’t try.. And on here, is just my temporary anger. Here, no one really says anything. I may have some “friends” but they aren’t real friends. They don’t talk to me like friends are suppose to. They actually make me feel like shit because of the things I do. And I don’t have time for shitty people in my life. So I cut them out. Just a couple people in particular. I just stop talking to them because they’re toxic. And at the end I just kinda “lose” them all.. So right now, I don’t have any “close” friends. There are at least THREE people I have that are not my family in my contacts, that are friends. One is my eldest brothers ex, who I barely speak to because she got a kid and what not, I call her my “sister” sometimes. And the other one is my second eldest brother ex. I try to keep in contact with her, but we’re not that close. I’m okay with that, because I still think she’s a wonderful person. And the last one is my ex… I wouldn’t really call us friends.. Because we barely talk to each other.. We’re more like aquaintances?? It’s sad really… because I want to talk to him so much and tell him my problems, but I know I don’t have a right to anymore.. And it just sucks..he’s the most recent person who knows KINDA what’s going on with me.. We “talk” but he hasn’t asked if I’m “okay” or how I’m doing.. I’m probably going to lose him too.. I don’t know.. I just feel sorta lost.. But they all KINDA know my story. Maybe one more than the other.. I’m just kinda frustrated right now… There’s a billion people walking this earth, yet I still feel like I’m the only one here.. Maybe she was right… Maybe I do have a shitty personality that I can’t even keep people in my life.. All I needed was you…